I was reading a friend's post on Facebook today and this just struck a chord in me.
It's about deadbeat dad's. (or mom's as the case may be), Or as I like to call them, Bio-Dad's. It's much nicer than "sperm donor", don't you think? These aren't the daddies who spend time with their kids, who pay their child support on time, or even go above and beyond what they're required to do. I even give huge kudos to dad's who give up their children, and make the biggest sacrifice a parent can possibly make. I'm a mom, I take care of my kids, I don't have money to go spend on myself, I don't have time for just myself, I'm lucky if I get to go to the bathroom by myself.
To those Deadbeat parents, I want to say this... I don't care who you are dating this week, I don't care if you have financial woes, I don't care that you are having a bad day. Those things are no longer my concern. I do not get to pick and choose when I want to be a parent, and when I don't. I have to find a way to make things work. What's your excuse again?
Sometimes the hardest decision we can make, as parents, is what's best for our kids. If they're in a loving, healthy, happy, home...without you...and you are in no way contributing to that enriching environment, and haven't been for some time. Why can't you see, that what's best for the child, may not be what's best for you? Stop being selfish!
Let me just tell you, that a Daddy, is not always the man, who fathered the child. A daddy is the man who's been active in the child's life, the man, they FEEL is their daddy. The man who has been there for birthdays, owies, first bike rides, first days of school. There, when the child's day has gone horribly wrong, to kiss away the tears, and give loving hugs. To chase away the monster in the closet, or hug them when they've had a nightmare. Or, when they're sick, and they throw up all over the place, including you, when they've got a fever and have to go to the E.R.
THIS IS WHAT A DADDY IS!
Just because biologically, you were able to have a child, does not equate being a GOOD PARENT.
I firmly believe that, even though, we are born to certain people, that doesn't necessarily mean that we have to be loving, or even friendly towards them. It's not widely accepted, and in a perfect world, we'd all "just get along". But, that's not how it really is. Sometimes....Oftentimes....we aren't going to get along with family members. Having said that, I firmly feel that there are people, however, that we choose to be a family with.
A loving environment can be created, nurtured, and what's best for those innocent little children, can be accomplished. I believe that what's best for the children, isn't necessarily what's best or wanted for the parent. We as parents, have a responsibility to our children, to give them the best environment for them to thrive into, healthy, happy, adults.
To do this, that means, that sometimes, you have to make the impossibly hard decisions. As parents, we have to do that often.
To those parents out there, who haven't seen their kids in months...years..., haven't paid child support in so long that you're either in jail, or risk going to jail...Who think that their flavor of the week is more important to spend time with, than their own children,...Who get upset when having to take time from work to do something with their kid, or who miss those important milestones, due to not taking that time from your oh so busy schedule...Who complain that the child support is too much...Who bully the other parent, because you're too chicken to admit your own failings as a person/parent, and for those who blame everything on the Ex, long after that person has been out of your life. To those parents I send this message...I plead with you, I beg of you....do what's right for your kid for once in your miserable life. They are clearly better off without your direct influence. If you want pictures, or visitation, then I'm sure something can be worked out.
But, if there's another person in the kid's life, that acts more like a parent, than YOU do. If that person is willing to take on YOUR KID, no questions asked. If that person, truly loves that child, and shows it in every way possible.
Please, I beg of your....let that child go....let that other Daddy (or mommy), adopt that child. Let the child have a happy, non drama filled life. Do what's best for the CHILD. Do something, you've probably never done for the child, in the first place. PUT THEM FIRST.
Wow, I guess I've been wanting to say this for a long time now.
To those parents out there, who don't have to go through this, I'm so glad for you :), for those parents going through this, I pray that it get's better for you soon. For those parents out there, who read this and it makes you angry.....think about what really made you feel that way..is it guilt, or something that, perhaps, felt familiar to you? Maybe you need to re access your own relationship with your kids.
One last thing....if you're a mom, and you've got the kids, and he's wanting to be with them, shows that he does, with not just words, but actions. He sends those gifts for holidays, and cards for just because. He sends child support, on time, every time. He is going above and beyond the call of Daddyhood. He would show up at dance recitals, and soccer games, if you'd let him know when they were, but can't because YOU'RE the one in the way. Then, to this, I say to you....STOP BEING SO SELFISH! You, are now putting yourself in the deadbeat catagory, because you have a man, who you may not like, and that's ok. You don't have to like him anymore, you can HATE him. You can think that the kids are going to Daddy Disneyland, you can feel like he's always trying to one up you. But you know what!
Get...over....yourself!
That man, who you despise, is being a GOOD DADDY. You have to put yourself aside, and allow him to be the good daddy. You are giving good Mommy's a bad name! Stop it! Grow the hell up, and let him be the parent he wants to be, and is trying, despite your blocking efforts to be.
Walking the parent tightrope, is difficult. It's not ment to be easy, it's not ment to be all rainbows, and slurpee's. It's hard, damn hard, it's the hardest, most expensive, thankless job, you'll ever do. But....if you do it right....every so often...you get a glimpse of heaven. A lost tooth, becomes a golden moment. That first time they read to you. The way they look at you, with unconditional love, when you feel horrible, you look horrible, and your breath probably smells like dragon breath, they don't care! You still get to feel those little arms wrapped around your neck, and that sweet little kiss on your cheek. It's all worth it.
I think that's why us parents, who want to be parents, and those step parents who are dying inside every time the Ex pulls one of their stunts, and the Step parent, is the one who has to clean up the Bio-deadbeat's mess, get so angry, and upset. What makes it a thousand times worse, is when the Bio-parent, hasn't got a clue, that they're doing anything wrong, and want to point the finger at anyone else, but themselves. I pray that those deadbeat parents finally get a clue, and do what's best for the child, not their inner child.
J.E.
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